The Therapeutic Power of Books: Emotional and Social Learning for Children
Written by Dr. Taylor Palmitier, Clinical Psychologist
Stories and Play as a Child's Form of Language
Children's language skills and self-reflection capabilities are still under construction. They typically don't talk through their emotions and make changes purely through communication. Therefore, play and stories are huge components of learning, connecting, and expressing during childhood. In my practice, I often use a combination of interventions, including play therapy, but a prominent theme is the use of stories. Here's why:
Books Normalize and Validate Emotions
One of the most powerful aspects of books is their ability to normalize and validate emotions. When children read about characters experiencing similar feelings, they realize they are not alone. This relatability takes away the fear that something is "wrong" with them and provides a sense of comfort and normalcy. Emotions become more predictable and acceptable.
For example, my daughter was nervous about moving up to Pre-K with a new teacher and friends. We read a book about a character in a similar situation. The story validated her feelings, demonstrated that a little anxiety is normal, and provided a sense of hope as the character overcame her fear. She was able to relax as she entered her new class the next day. Without a direct conversation that might have felt overwhelming, she received an intervention through a book!
Provides an Outlet to Process Emotions
Books and stories offer children an outlet to process or express emotions in a way they are capable of. Just like adults find relief in talking through problems, kids experience this same relief through storytelling and play.
One of my young clients struggled with the birth of a new sibling. We read a story about a boy adapting to a new brother at home and this story became a bridge for us to discuss his feelings and strategies to cope with this change. Each session, we would continue to use the character as a way to talk about emotions. It was much easier for him to talk about the character's emotions and think about what the character needed to feel better than it was to self-reflect on his own experiences. In the psych world, this is called externalization.
Playing is a Story
Play is another form of storytelling that holds immense therapeutic value. Research indicates that play is SO important as it allows children to learn and practice skills in a safe environment. I love using dollhouse play to help children work through tough emotions. If your child doesn’t love dollhouses, no problem! Action figures, army guys, Barbies, or stuffed animals can be used. You can make up a structured story to play out or let the child lead the play!
I once worked with a child who was refusing bedtime, to the point where no one was getting sleep in the house night after night. So what did we do? You guessed it—we overcame it through play. The dolls transformed into his family members, and the interactions played out resembled the intricate dynamics he was experiencing at home. He then played each character's role in the story, giving him insight into how others might feel at bedtime. Replaying the scene with a positive outcome helped him understand and accept bedtime routines.
Skill Building Through Stories
Stories are excellent tools for teaching skills. As children see characters navigate their emotions, they learn strategies that they can apply in their own lives. Reading about a character who learns to take deep breaths when feeling angry can teach your child this valuable coping skill in a non-directive and engaging way.
To illustrate this, my daughter experienced extreme shyness around age two. Through a book, we learned skills to build confidence and bravery while feeling shy. We practiced waving hello and saying "good morning" alongside the character, in the comfort and safety of her rocking chair each night. These skills then transferred to daycare—and now as an almost three-year-old, shyness has been replaced with confidence! Books are truly magical.
Self-Disclosure as a Story
The last thing I want to share with you is the power of sharing personal stories with your littles. When parents share stories about times they've experienced an emotion or a problem and how they overcame it, it’s incredibly reassuring for your little. Coming from a supportive person, these stories can have a profound impact.
Let's say your child is angry about leaving the park, has a full-on meltdown, and the evening is tough. When their body has calmed down a bit, this is a perfect moment to share a time you felt angry. "I get it, I feel angry sometimes, too..." then get into the details of your personal story. Parents and trusted adults are superheroes to young children, and you can use this relationship to help them overcome emotions by sharing your own experiences!
Conclusion
Storytelling is more than just entertainment; it’s a powerful tool for emotional and social learning. Read your children stories often, share tales from your own childhood, discuss characters’ feelings, and choose books that address specific issues your child is facing. And don’t forget the power of play!
